Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
