Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
