I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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