I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
