I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
