Nicole vs. Life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
