I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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