We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
