If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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