Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
