We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
