Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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