So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
