Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
