You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
