someone owes me an orgasm
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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