Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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