the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
