I cannot find my penis.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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