He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
