things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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