The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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