Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
