Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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