I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
