do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
