Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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