Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
