It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
how drunk are you?
Several
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
