My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
