I cockslap morals
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
