I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
