I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
