i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
