On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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