Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
