I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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