I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
