It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
