I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
