He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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