She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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