If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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