no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
