He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just gift wrapped bread.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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