Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
zippers are such a cool invention
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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