so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk is not a location!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
