dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
