Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
