Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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