jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
